When you first found out you were going to be a mother, how did you feel? Excited, scared, unsure? I guess myriads of feelings ran through your mind.
From the day you discovered you were pregnant down till delivery and after, your life changed, and you signed up for something huge.
In the journey of motherhood, you can never be 100% sure that you get it all right. This minute you feel, yes, I think I have finally known my kid, and the next, you see something entirely new and different. It is natural to start wondering if you are a good mother.
Few months after I gave birth, then when I was still learning the ropes, I used to feel uncertainty wash over me. I didn’t latch well at; first, I was a first time Mom, and I got overwhelmed when my baby cried even when I petted, rocked, and did everything I knew to soothe him.
I would be so confused and unsure of what I was doing. I would ask myself: I hope you are doing this right, I hope you are a good mom, and if you are, why is he still crying? Now I have understood motherhood more. I still have the feeling of uncertainty sometimes, but the truth is, it never ends.
Every mother, I believe, always want to be good at motherhood. And here lies the need to be perfect, the worries and the uncertainties. To use the tips on how to be a good mother, you need to first know a good mother meaning, so let’s see a good mother’s definition.
What Makes A Mother?
You see a lot of women out there seeming to bond with their kids. It’s like they have got the perfect formula that makes them a good mother. The truth is, there is no such thing as a 100% good mother.
However, I would give you 11 great tips on how to be a good mother. Following these tips would bring you the needed change and improvement you desire in your motherhood journey.
Before I start dishing these tips that have worked for many mothers, I need you to understand the definition of the term “Good mother”.
A good mother is a nurturer, one who manages her own needs and that of her kids very well to bring out the best by lovingly guiding them to the right path so that they can be individuals of their own.
Being a good mom entails a lot. It begins with but doesn’t end with love, care, and attention. There are numerous other traits that good moms posses.
Many loving moms are doing their best for their kids, but sometimes best isn’t usually enough. It goes beyond loving. It’s is also about teaching, guiding, and training your kids, so they would be able to face life and stand firm.
Since we are clear with the definition of a good mother, let’s discuss some tips on how to be a good mother to your kids. This also doubles up as a list of qualities of a good mother.
1. Be Loving
This comes naturally with many moms, but I state it here as my number 1 tip on how to be a good mother because it is the bedrock of every other tip, I would outline here.
Surprisingly, some moms do not love their sons or daughters. Maybe they came at the “wrong time”, or you had them for the “wrong person”. Painfully so, but that’s reality. If you feel you don’t love your kids as you think you should, I do not judge you for sometimes it happens.
Get ready to become a loving mother to your child. And how to be a loving mother is no other way than by putting them as a priority, not choosing work over them, showing up for their games or other important events, finding that lost toy, or making that favourite snacks, or just being there when they need you.
It is easy to set rules and chaff at some point because you get swamped with work stress, or you forget. You need to know, however, that your kids watch you.
Tell them not to overeat sweets today. If they notice you allow them to overeat sweets tomorrow, they get confused as to what to do, and of course, they choose the easy way out which means going against the rules.
Consistency does not mean being hard, but sticking to what you know would be beneficial to the child even when you want to give in. Show consistency by word and action.
If you set up a rule, do well to see that it stands through, establish a structure that your child knows there are rights and wrongs. This means that you have to be a model by not breaking the rules.
Lovingly discipline the child if he wants to break the rules (which will be usual cause he will test if it was truly worth it to obey) and, most importantly, enforce consistency even when sometimes you don’t feel like it.
Being a mom means you have signed up for a lot of work that never ends. If you lived when you were a single lady without much planning, and fared, you won’t fare so well if you do that as a mother.
Being a good mom= an organized mom. You will have lots of activities to do: kids homework, meals, shopping, projects, site seeing and more.
An effective way to cope while working hand in hand with your kids and partner is bringing in your organizational skills. Plan meals, chores, shopping, hang out time with kids, school runs, family time, business or career, everything you need in a planner.
You will have long and short-term goals, so planning may be weekly or monthly depending on what works for you.
Organizing things makes you achieve a lot.
As you gradually tick off things done in your to-do list, you feel positive and focused on achieving more. Also, as your kids watch and learn organizing from you, they become better result-oriented individuals.
4. Prioritize Self Care
A great tip on how to become a good mother to your child is taking good care of yourself. Taking care of another human being is a whole lot of work, one you can’t succeed in if you haven’t mastered yourself.
Hence, the need to properly take care of yourself emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Find the balance in these three areas. Eat right, exercise, learn about emotional intelligence, connect with higher levels of being, be part of a good cause, and do those things you so enjoy doing.
Neglecting yourself in the journey may lead to stress, low self-esteem, bitterness, and the feeling that you are unloved or have not lived your best. A well-cared-for mom will know how to be a good mom for her son or daughter.
5. Be A Good Model
Parenting is exemplary. You are the first person your kids learn language, behaviors, and attitudes before learning from other sources. So, you are a significant influence in their lives, the very first agent of socialization.
So you want your kids to have good grades and excellent behaviours, which will show how you act. Do you hardly read and expect your kids to? Are you messy and expect neat kids? Or you use swear words and wonder why your kids curse?
How can you be a loving mother? One great way to do this is by modeling good skills and attitudes in them from early on. You can do this by minimizing the time you spend on the screen and have quality time with them, to play or interact.
Show good traits like organizational skills, punctuality, neatness, kindness, and empathy. Display emotional intelligence, correct in love, handle pressure and challenges maturely, show selflessness, do not spend unwisely, practice financial literacy.
As you show positive traits, your kids integrate this as part of them because it is a norm in the home. Good parents walk their talk. You need to be the person you want your child to be.
6. Set Reasonable And Realistic Expectations
Kids are kids, they will falter at some point, and that is expected. Should you expect your kids to have goals? Yes. Should you expect them to see through it as adults? No.
You should not expect your toddlers to be 100% perfect. In the same way, you shouldn’t expect your teenager to be undistracted by social media friends or the opposite gender.
We want our kids to be perfect, and we expect them to know better than to make mistakes, be better at tasks and manage their emotions more. Sorry, your kids will not do things 100% the way you want it.
They are not adults; they haven’t had the many experiences you have had to learn. So they may not always think and realize somethings. I’ll tell you a key secret on how to be a good mother; it is by setting reasonable and realistic goals for your kids.
Yes, it is essential to set high standards for them (you won’t be doing them well if you don’t) but hey mama, you need to get off your high horses and get to their level. Think of how a 2-year-old or 4 years old will solve a problem, not how you will.
That way, you know what to expect and won’t get stressed when they don’t meet your high expectations, and you know how to go about correcting. As your kids go higher in life, they will come to realize that life comes with many responsibilities, and it is your job to guide them to learn that.
Do you want to know how to be a good mother to your son or daughter? Communication is key. Communication means, being more open to listening, asking about your kid’s experiences, not being judgemental, or over critical, allowing them to pour their hearts when they want to.
Be that mom that can keep an open-ended conversation with her kids. Learn to talk with your kids about anything. If you establish effective communication, you will build stronger relationships with your kids.
8. Establish Positive Disciplinary Methods
I see discipline as guiding and direction on the right path. The aim should be for people to realize what they have done and learn from it. Most times, what comes to mind whenever we hear discipline is punishment.
Discipline can be tricky for many people, especially for moms. Having to discipline kids by being firm or strict may seem so hard for some moms, so they avoid it.
For other moms, they are too hard on their kids and do not discipline right—balance discipline. Always be positive whenever you are cautioning or correcting. Do not hit, do not use harsh words. These things make your kid aggressive.
To make discipline effective, model good behaviors, establish rules that are not too hard and follow through with it. When you have to be tough, be tough but Always be in perspective. Do not discipline when you are stressed or emotional cause most times you do not do it right then.
9. Build A Relationship With Your Kids
One way many moms miss it is, providing only the necessities: that is good food, clothes, and shelter, doing the home chores, or other duties, and they feel that’s enough.
A useful tip on how to be a good mother is by establishing a unique relationship with each of your kids individually.
And you do this by becoming their friends, getting to know their peculiarities, having a one on one always, being more understanding and less critical, becoming friends with their friends, helping with the big or small goals, being close enough that they can discuss anything, directing and guiding them to be result-oriented and correcting in love.
You must establish a relationship with your kids, such that they can count on you at any time.
10. Emotional Intelligence
If you want to know how to be a good mother to your toddler or teen or adult, emotional intelligence is a must skill to learn. Parenting is no child’s play.
Times will come when your kids will test your patience, you may want to react wrongly. Then is when you need control and calmness.
Emotional intelligence, will teach you how to manage anger and stress, know how to be tough and strong for your kids during difficult times, and communicate effectively.
You need to learn a lot about controlling your emotions if you wish to do well on your parenting journey as a mom—a mom who is emotionally intelligent models kids that will turn out fantastic.
The love for your kids shouldn’t be so binding that you want them around you forever. Time will come when they will have to be on their own.
Preventing them from getting hurt, making mistakes, experiencing life, meeting friends, and exploring new things, in the name of love is stifling.
The last tip on how to be a good mother is by teaching your kids to be independent. You do this by the attitudes you model around them, how you control them, and set boundaries.
If you want to be a good mom, you should be ready to let your kids thrive and grow at their own pace, under your guidance. Let them make those mistakes sometimes.
Do not be too quick to correct them, do not plan everything for them; give them a chance to make their suggestions. Engage them in tasks, with some supervision, and keep them in mind that they may not be all that perfect.
Save this for later mama!