You are stressed having had a long day, you come back home to meet a messy house. While shuffling between arranging the home and making the evening meal, your kids are frustrating your efforts.
Jumping here and there, screaming, having the swell time of their life, and scattering where you have arranged. Guys stop it, 1, stop it 2, stop it 3, yet, they don’t listen.
Then you can’t take it anymore, you scream at the top of your voice and they freeze in fear and start crying. You didn’t mean to do that, to make them scared, but you needed to make them listen and behave. Now you feel so bad, your kids do not want to come near, you end up not finishing supper because everywhere is tense.
Many of us parents can attest that we yell at their kids sometimes. Though it’s not something we are proud of, it is as if we can’t seem to help it. I don’t believe any parent wants to yell at their kids. But it seems kids always want to test our patience.
Lol, Of course, they don’t want to, for them, what’s more, important is having fun. They don’t care if you have piled up laundry or tasks, projects or deadlines to meet.
All they know now is me, me, me.
Why Do Parents Yell?
Statistics have shown that about 98% of parents resort to yelling as a milder means of correction. And why is this? Why is it that in hardly any family do you not hear of parents yelling? Is it an innate trait, or one learned from childhood?
Understanding why parents yell, maybe unclear if we don’t state the meaning of yelling.
Yelling means talking in a loud sharp way especially when you are trying to pass across a point. Many of us parents are guilty of yelling at their kids. If we have a lot on their minds, probably a tough job, or a stressful day and we just want to unload those things and the kids come to “interfere”. We respond by yelling and screaming at the top of our voices. After all, we didn’t spank them, we reason.
Parents yell because they are feeling overwhelmed or stressed or angry. So, they get fed up and yell to express how they feel. They do not mean harm, most of the time they immediately feel sorry and guilty but it doesn’t change the fact that they have yelled at the child, and he or she is feeling bad and end up thinking that mummy or daddy hates me or my parents are wicked or mean.
And even when there are apologies, if it continues to be a vicious circle it causes physical physiological effects on the child and mars the parent and child relationship.
Psychology Effects Of Yelling.
Yelling over time sadly leads to a vicious circle where your kids may grow to become yellers themselves. It is likely that parents who yell, were yelled at, during childhood. They know it’s wrong but just can’t help it.
The psychological effects of yelling are short- and long-term. The short-term effects are those we readily observe and the long-term effects show overtime. (these effects may last a lifetime if not corrected). When you yell at kids you immediately notice some of these reactions:
- They feel hurt that someone they trust has hurt their emotions. Usually, you see kids after being yelled at go quiet and have a sad face.
- They withdraw: When kids are yelled at immediately they feel sad at you for hurting them and they will draw away, and do not want to have anything to do with you at the moment because you made them feel bad.
- Anxiety: Kids instantly become anxious and unsure when they hear you shout at a high pitch or insult. They feel anxious and feel you don’t love them anymore because if you do they reason you would not have hurt them.
Aggressiveness: Unlike some kids that go quiet, some other kids become aggressive at their parents and talkback or yell back.
The long-term psychological effects of yelling are worse they can make a child turn into a marred adult. Below are some of the effects:
- It worsens the behavioral problem: Yelling was meant for correction right? Unfortunately, most times it only worsens it. Research has shown that kids who have been yelled at overtime turn out to become unruly, stubborn, and defy their parents.
- Low self-esteem: Parents who always shout down their kids can hinder their expressive ability and self-esteem. Sometimes such kids will have such low self-esteem that they would always anticipate shout and harsh treatment from those around them. They wouldn’t feel confident and speak up in public.
- Depression: Yelling over time is a form of emotional abuse. As stated earlier yelling makes kids hurt. If parents continue this behavior, it makes their kids always feel sad and depressed and affect their mental health. This may even lead to harmful and suicidal thoughts in the kids against themselves and their parents.
- Aggression: Kids that are yelled at most times turn out to become adults that use an aggressive approach to things because they see it as the only way to solve problems.
- It changes brain development: Yelling is negative, it changes the way the brain develops and the way to process things.
- Causes stress and fatigue in both parents and kids: The effects of yelling is always unpleasant to the body. When you find yourself in an environment where they always yell, it makes us feel sad, tense and leads to mental stress, physical weakness, and anxiety.
- It causes social problems: Kids yelled at really find it hard to relate well with other kids they may be too aggressive, feel under-confident, judgemental, hurt over little things, get angry easily, and lack good communication skills.
- Pains: adults who feel chronic pains like back pains arthritis maybe link such to negative childhood experiences like yelling.
Other effects include a broken relationship with parents and kids children turned out to be bullies etc.
How To Stop Yelling At Your Kids.
1. Pause And Breathe
When you are overwhelmed and in a tense situation it is easier to yell to express yourself, even when you know it is not right. How to stop yelling at your kids, is to stop all you are doing and breathe to calm your nerves.
As you breathe, reflect within yourself why yelling isn’t the best approach. Remember that you love your kids no matter what, and most importantly think about the damaging consequences.
After you have taken time to reflect, you will see you feel less tense and you’ll be better able to talk to your kids calmly rather than yelling and cursing. Taking a few minutes to pause instead of giving in to anger is a very effective way to stop yelling at your kids.
2. Take A Walk
If you feel the environment is too tense and your kids are pissing you off, you may need to go to a quiet place to calm down your nerves. As you take a walk you can choose to vent the anger and pent-up emotions. When you are back from the walk, I bet you will be in a better state of mind.
3. Identify Triggers
Watch out for those things that set you on edge and find a way around them. It could be stress which is usually a popular trigger for many, transferred aggression, a long day at work, numerous tasks on your schedules, kid’s misbehavior.
As you identify what easily causes you to yell, map out strategies that will help you manage your emotions. For example, you may deliberately choose to avoid some people that make you angry or avoid putting more things in your schedule or choosing a simple dinner, or order food, during a stressful day.
4. Remember To Check Your Emotions
We don’t just blow up at once we usually go from a low scale to a higher scale of anger. When you begin to feel anger or irritation, then is when you need to pause and breathe or take a walk out the door.
If you just allow yourself to keep climbing till you get to the highest scale of your blowout. And this way you may never learn to stop yelling. Are you wondering how to stop yelling at your kids? This is one sure way.
If you are alert, immediately you will notice changes in emotions, and when you begin to get irritated or angry, find a way to calm yourself down. For some parents, physical reminders help them achieve this.
5. Give Yourself A No Yelling Challenge
If you don’t step up to action you may not show marked improvement. Give yourself a no yelling challenge from time to time and mark your progress. You can set a time frame that isn’t too long.
Make a goal, of no yelling during a picnic or the drive to school. Work hard to achieve your target and reward yourself if need be. Repeat it for several days then extend the timeframe to maybe a full day or two days or a week. if you are intentional about this you will see marked changes.
6. Work As A Team
Another useful tip on how to stop yelling at your kids is when you and your partner decide to put joint effort to achieve the goal of no yelling in the home.
If only the mum wants to work at it but the dad is quite casual and sees yelling as normal behavior, then the result is expected may not be so fast as he may frustrate your efforts.
So, both parents need to work hand in hand so that they stop yelling. Parents also need to work together with their kids to achieve this. With time, you will be pleased with your joint efforts.
7. Postpone Discipline And Correction
It is a normal instinct to want to shout and correct your kid’s misbehavior at once. Only that it leads to most times leads to yelling and cursing.
However, you can choose to postpone discipline and correction to when you are you and your kids are calmer and in a better mind frame. Correction done when you are emotional do not always give the desired results.
8. Do Not Forget That Kids Have Normal Behaviors
Knowing that in a house with kids there will always be noise, quarreling, rivalry, shout and many other behaviors kids display. As parents, you should expect those things.
Instead of trying to stop these behaviors in the kids find a way to guide the kids so that they do not make such behaviors excessive.
9. Find A Way To Minimize Those Things That Make You Yell
If you know that during the morning rush you are always tensed and you are prone to yelling at your kids you can decide to prepare your kids lunch boxes, uniforms, shoes, and every other thing they need beforehand so that morning time will not be tense.
If the kids always quarrel for a particular type of cookie and it annoys you, get that type for everyone instead of buying different types. If they always litter the house with toys make a playroom for them. Minimizing the things that cause yelling is another useful tip on how to stop yelling at your kids.
10. Adjust Your Expectations
You know that most kids are prone to display tantrums, talk loud and noisy.
Expecting that your kid will be quiet when you visit a friend maybe a futile expectation.
Sometimes we set too high expectations. What we propose for our kids is always not what is likely to happen.
11. Have Time-Outs
One of the main reasons why we hear parents yell is because they are stressed and overwhelmed. Have you noticed that if you are in positive spirits the tendency to yell is minimal? Stress is one of the main factors that affects parents.
Today parent has to make a living, build a career, further their education, meet other peoples needs, handle parental responsibilities.
If you let all these things overwhelm you as a parent it is going to be to translate in the way you act with your kids. So always set time to rest, have time-outs, go out and catch fun and live life. This is one positive Parenting solution in your parenting journey.
What To Do After Yelling.
These useful tips on How to stop yelling at your kids,
will in no time change the narrative. If you work at it, you will see the changes you desire. However, it isn’t going to be a one-day ride. You will still yell sometimes. Now here is what you should do, especially after you have lost your cool with your child:
- Calm down, let your child calm down too.
- Show affection by hugging or wiping away their tears.
- When you both are calm, apologize for yelling. Say how you are truly sorry for losing your cool.
- Reconnect: Talk with your child to reconnect back to the relationship. Explain where you got it wrong explain, why you yelled and most importantly let them know that yelling isn’t the best approach.Phew!!!!! Done!!! Done!!! Done!!!.
Now is time for you to take action.
Save this for later mama!