A mother isn’t just a mother because she has female characteristics or traits. What makes a good mother, then? It is the signs a woman possesses that makes her a good mother.
You may not necessarily have a child before you are called a good mother. But because you are affectionate, always a shoulder to lean on, understanding, mature, and discipline positively, all these are traits that make you a good mother.
What Defines A Good Mother
If you ask around who is a good mother? The definitions you will get will astound you as there is no one standard definition of a good mother.
Personally, this is my definition of a good mother. A good mother is a nurturer; she creates the perfect balance, lovingly guiding children to the right path to bring out the best in them, and as she does this, she becomes a better individual herself.
How Do I Know If I Am A Good Mother?
The best way to know is to observe your relationship with your kids and other kids around. Do your kids enjoy your presence or do they get scared of you?
Do you show responsibility by meeting financial needs, help out with assignments, teach them new things, take them for treats, playing and having fun with them, etc.,
or you leave them on their own? Do you engage in one on one, personal discussions with them or are you always busy?
Do you yell and hit them, or do you try as much to talk calmly?
How do you behave around them when you are emotional, tired, cranky or angry? Do you have schedules in place, or do your kids do what they like? Do you take time to invest in yourself to become a better individual and a better mom, or do you leave your parenting to chance?
The answer to these questions are pointers to know if you are a good mom. Meanwhile, let’s see the signs that show you’re a good mother.
1. Loving
one of the first clear signs that a good mother is how she shows love to her children and other children around.
Love is expressed in different dimensions and different love languages (through words, action, touch, etc.). As a good mother, you should know when and how to use this love language for your kids.
When your child is hurting, he doesn’t need to get a gift from you, Instead encouraging words or hugs would work. When your child misbehaves, you should know the right actions to take to correct him with love. A hug is not appropriate.
Also, what makes a good mother is how she makes time for her kids. Most parents hardly have time for their kids these days. They are there, but they are not present. Either trying to make a living, wanting to socialize, furthering their education, doing chores.
It may be challenging to balance all these and still spend quality time with your kids, but you have to try.
A good mother will listen to kids unending complaints, listen to their views and perspectives on things and not shun them off, make or buy special treats for important occasions like birthdays, take care of their needs, and prepare their needs meals, motivate them, etc.
2. A Role Model
Do your kids look up to you as someone they can trust or someone who is your hero? If yes, then you are doing great as a good mother. As a good mother, you need to show good examples and practice what she preaches.
Whatever rules that are set in your home should be adhered to by everyone, including you. You can’t say everyone should wash their hands before eating, and you flaunt the rule, or you tell your kids not to lie but do not keep your promises to them.
Kids are very observant. They watch closely everything we say and do.
A good mother should also be ready to model good behaviours like punctuality, time management, neatness, hard work, kindness, generosity, emotional stability, etc. Teach your kids all these traits by practising them yourself. That way, they learn from you how to be great adults.
3. Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence is one what makes a good mother outstanding. There are so many loving and dedicated mothers out there. They can go all out for their kids, but many mothers fail when it comes to emotions. It is why many women yell, shout and spank their kids.
Indeed handling the role as a mother coupled with work stress, societal demand, and demand from home can be overwhelming, so sometimes mothers can get so irritational, impatient and annoyed over little things. However, a good mother knows how to work her emotions and keep them in check.
For instance, if she has had a hectic day, she knows very well that it would affect her mood and how she reacts to things.
So, she could take a few minutes to chill out before getting home or take a few breaths to calm her nerves and give herself some pep talks to be in a better state of mind before entering the house. Emotional intelligence is also known as EI.
It is the ability of a person to understand, use, and manage his emotions effectively such that he will be able to effectively communicate, manage conflicts, challenges and create better relationships.
As a good mother, being emotionally intelligent means that you will be able to avoid the transfer of aggression to your kids when you are angry and learn not to always act on impulse.
Manage your emotions, recognize your feelings, know your strength and weaknesses and find ways around them, communicate clearly and effectively, inspire others, understand other people’s emotions, manage conflicts, etc.
It may seem like a whole lot, but it can be achieved if you set goals to start working on yourself and manage your emotions. In addition, you will find that it helps you to have a better relationship with your kids, partner, family members and other people around.
4. Dynamic
It is one trait that makes a wonderful mother stand out from the rest. Being dynamic means you are ready and open to change your belief systems, ideas thought patterns, and parenting if they are not beneficial. Since change is constant, there will always be a need to adopt new beliefs, opinions, thought patterns, and ways.
A good mother knows this, and she is ready to open herself to change and better herself when necessary. It means that she accepts that some of her ideas on parenting may need to change, especially if she wants to connect with her kids and be a better 21st-century mom.
Being dynamic also means that she is ready to accept when she makes mistakes, works on herself, educates herself with new parenting methods.
She is ready to learn, unlearn and relearn, keep up-to-date with new trends on parenting and be prepared to use them in her parenting style creatively.
5. Understanding
As adults, one mistake we always make is that sometimes we fail to realize that kids are kids. We treat them like adults, only to end up getting frustrated with our too high expectations.
We forget they are kids and will make mistakes, act immature, display irrational behaviours. But a good mother thinks differently. She recognizes that a child is a child, and therefore she is understanding.
When her kids put up some unwanted behaviours like crying uncontrollably for seemly no reason, displaying terrible tantrums, acting disobediently. She doesn’t disciplinary them based on what they have done by lying, stealing, and doing many other things that children do.
Instead, she uses the wisdom of an understanding mother to discipline and put them on the right track. Sometimes it can get so overwhelming, especially when kids keep up with bad behaviours even after repeated corrections, and it can irk you so much that you want to scream at them or hit them. But as an understanding mother, you should know that kids are still in the process of maturing.
An understanding mother is also sensitive to the need of her kids, and she does not invalidate a child’s feelings. Instead, she creates a comfortable environment for the child to develop trust.
She is always there to listen. She shows empathy and finds ways to communicate so that she and the kids can understand each other.
Understanding also means that you study your kids, know their uniqueness and connect with them based on their unique personalities, not necessarily what you assume them to be.
So, for example, if you have a quiet child as a good mother, you will not put undue pressure on the child’s to socialize or make silly but seemly innocent comments to compare him with his mates when he feels socially awkward.
Instead, you encourage him to go out or find a friend he can interact with. An understanding mom also does not set unrealistic expectations just because she sees other parents doing this. Instead, she works with her kids based on their uniqueness.
6. Organized
Women always have a lot on their plates. From catering for the baby, taking care of the older kids, laundry, shopping, meeting societal demands, going to school, meeting her job demand, etc. It can be overwhelming for one person to plan all these, right? True.
But a good mother does all these efficiently. She is not perfect in all these areas, but she manages to balance all these efficiently with good organizational skills.
What makes a good mother is her organizational skills. It makes her effectively manage her home, job, and societal demands.
Of course, it isn’t always easy to balance the unending needs; that is why she works with schedules and routines, engage in proper planning properly.
She uses lists, timetables, rules and regulations that guide the home and involves the whole family in the entire process so that the house can effectively function.
Using organizational tools, planning effectively, using time-saving gadgets, getting help when necessary and involving the whole family make a good mother succeed effectively on the home front.
Not only does it help her avoid stress (learn how to deal with moms stressed here) which many women are battling with today, it will also help her achieve purpose in her own life and raise kids who will be organized individuals.
7. Maturity
What makes a good mother is how well she shows maturity in things. A mature mother knows how to act mature. When things are hard, she doesn’t back out of her responsibility. She knows how to manage the crisis; she knows how to discipline with love, control her emotions, etc.
As individuals, we have different perceptions of things, so we need maturity as we deal with other people to maintain a cordial relationship and work effectively with them.
To build a strong parent-child relationship, you need a lot of maturities while relating with your kids. A mature mom should be responsible financially, mentally, physically, etc. She works hand-in-hand with her partner to meet the appropriate needs like schooling, clothing, food, shelter, etc.
Her maturity also comes into play When the kids misbehave or are in disciplined when the kids have fights or conflicts when she disagrees with her partner and other family members.
Because she is mature, she admits when she makes mistakes or go wrong. She knows that she is imperfect and apologizes to her kids when she wrongs them.
8. She Practices Positive Disciplinary Strategies
Using good disciplinary techniques is what makes a good mother. As a good mother, you need the proper disciplinary methods to maintain balance in the home and raise a well-rounded individual.
Using abusive words, yelling or cursing, shouting, and transfer of aggression to the kid hitting them are wrong disciplinary measures.
A good mother knows that to discipline, she needs first to be understanding knowing that it is a child and he isn’t mature yet. She knows that children do not always see things the way adults do, and they will always make mistakes. She also knows the need for patience and handling her emotions.
She does not discipline-based on emotions. Instead, she arms herself with the right tools to discipline effectively. For example, she knows about positive disciplinary strategies like giving praises and rewards, giving timeouts, withholding privileges, setting rules and consequences.
Consistent in rules and regulations and setting boundaries, setting good examples, allowing the law of cause and effects to play sometimes, taking time to explain to her kids, etc.
Many parents find it hard to discipline a child effectively, but you can do it if you put your mind to it. You can read the post on how to discipline a toddler for more ideas.
9. Self-Care
A mother who knows how to take care of her kids must first learn how to take care of herself. What makes a good mother? It is how well she invests in herself. It is what would make her an awesome mom for her kids.
Self-care is a vital trait that you shouldn’t neglect because you want to show love to your kids. A good mother knows that she can’t give what she does not have.
But, of course, she can’t sustain the love and attention for her family if she is wilting away. So, she does not fail to practice self-care routines.
By exercising regularly, always eating diets, not just the scraps and leftovers of the kid’s meal, working on her emotions, avoiding stress, reading and educate herself, going out and having fun without feeling guilty.
Also, she pampers herself by going for massages or to the spa, treating herself to nice things every other time, practising constant meditation, and regularly connecting with her inner self. It helps her grow from the inside out, become a better mom and a better woman to society.
10. She Seeks Help When Necessary
As humans, we are not infinite in ourselves. We do not know it all. It is one fact that a good mother keeps close to her heart. A good mother knows that despite her best intentions to love and care for her family, she may still fail or falter in some areas because she is imperfect, so she doesn’t fail to educate herself.
She also knows she can’t do it all. She seeks support from the kids and her partner to run the home, from friends and family, from fellow parents, her religious organization, etc. She looks for trusted friends to share her motherhood challenges and seek good counsel.
She works on her mistakes and learns from other parents who are doing well in their parental journey.
With the support, she gets from friends, family, and other loved ones, she uses them to be better every day.
Kudos to all the good moms out there, you are doing a great job and remember that you can be better.
