As moms, we can go all out to provide care and comfort; we learn new recipes, shopping hacks, activities to keep the kids engaged, but one thing most moms fail to learn is how to be a happier mom.
The all sacrificing nature of moms sometimes makes us forget ourselves. Every day we live for others but are we truly happy? I was new to postpartum blues as a first-time mom when I had my son.
It was challenging learning to care for my baby for the first time; the sleep deprivation, breastfeeding problems, episiotomy pains all rolled up into one big emotional ball that tightened my chest.
I pretended to be happy outside, but I felt like all these were a huge burden inside. Thankfully, I advised myself to take things a day at a time, and I pulled through.
If you are at a point where you have lost your inner essence as a mother, and you do not feel truly happy and fulfilled, I want you to do your best to find it, and that’s why I have made this post.
I intend to share great tips on how to be a happier mom for yourself, your kids, and your family. I used these when I had challenges and was unsure if I was truly happy as a mom, and I am sure you will find them helpful, too, so let’s get started.
How Do Stay At Home Moms Stay Happy?
For Stay at home moms, coping might be a bit difficult, because you do not interact as much as you would do when you have a day job. So let’s start with how to stay happy, as a stay at home mom
1. Dress up: Like you would do if you are going outdoor, learn to dress up and feel good about yourself. Do your make up, wear nice and comfy home outfits, get your hair done. Indulge in dolling up, it helps.
2. Find a hobby you love: Find something that you are passionate about so that you can immerse yourself into it, this way, you find happiness in living every day.
3. Create a schedule: If you do not have a plan that you work with, your day may just end up being unproductive and you will feel unfulfilled.
So create a schedule that would give you order and direction, as you run your day. You can check out the post, Mom’s morning routine, for ideas on how to plan your day here.
4. Go out: The fact that you are a stay-at-home mom does not mean that you should be locked up inside, all day. You need to also go out too and socialize.
Go shopping, visit your friends, have a time out, do fun outdoor activities; this is how to be a happier mom.
5. Set Boundaries: Know when to say no. Being a stay-home-mom doesn’t mean you are free all day doing nothing.
You have a home to run and you may probably be a stay-at-home-mom so, be wise enough to say No when necessary so that you do not end up living to please someone
How Do I Become A Happier Mom?
While there are no shortcuts or absolute formulas on how to be a happier mom, there are certain suggestions that can be taken into consideration for a better chance at enjoying motherhood.
In this section, I will go into details on how t become a happier mom. The following tips listed below are very helpful if you put them into practice.
1. Take Things Easy
You will never get everything done at once, so take things easy. If you take things so much as a big deal, you will live life only about to-do lists, schedules, tasks, chores, you won’t live a fulfilling life, and you won’t be happy.
My life always used to be about my to-do-list. I would postpone my happiness, beautiful conversations, time with people, to finish home tasks, school work, or any other thing I had to do.
I held myself with a clad-iron schedule to ensure that I achieved all I had set out to do for the day, and you know what, sometimes, I ended up not achieving those things; and I blamed myself.
Oh, if I had not taken too long in the shower or talked too much during the phone call conversation, or spent too long in the mirror, I would have had sufficient time to finish up all I had to do for the day.
Each day became unfulfilling. So, I tried to stay rigid with my schedule the next day, but I don’t always fit in because the tasks are too much. Soon, I realized that this lifestyle has made me unmotivated and unfulfilled with time.
I did not spend much time with people; I was always thinking about what’s next on the to-do list, I made excuses about how I cannot be available because I had a lot on my plate.
It made me feel isolated and withdrawn from people and unhappy. Now, I still have my schedule, but I do well not to overcrowd the schedule. I create and spend time with people, even if sometimes I have to put some things on hold.
If you are finding how to be a happier mom, you need to know how to draw the balance between work and play. Too much of any of them is not good, but it seems as moms, we always tend to settle for too much work.
You won’t blame us, though; we have a lot on our “Plate”; from taking care of the home¸, our jobs, relationships with partners, friends, etc.
But you know what, when you do this too much, focusing on what to do over living in the present, you soon begin to lose the zest for life and lose happiness.
You become overly critical; you do not put others in perspective; spending time with people is like a distraction. Of course, it stresses you out, and your inner self is gradually wilting.
So, how to be a happier mom is knowing how to take things easy, do not always feel rushed or burdened, do your best, and do not kill yourself for not being perfect.
It’s okay to take breaks and not feel guilty about it, have time to catch fun, create a flexible schedule that is not packed full of tasks and that will give you time to unwind.
Sometimes, some things are out of your control, do not beat yourself up about it. It could be waking up late and skipping the dishes to head off to work.
2. Have A Flexible Schedule
One smart thing to note on how to be a happier mom is that you can’t do it all, so be very realistic. My sister-in-law and I were discussing one day, and she talked about two sisters; one perfectionist and the other a realist.
One day both of them set out to arrange their rooms. The perfectionist listed out tons and tons of things to do for the day, feeling motivated.
The realist sister only planned out 5 important things and when she completed them, she rested. Meanwhile, the perfectionist was halfway down the tons of jobs she had laid down for the day.
She was frustrated because she had not completed the ones she started and there were many more yet undone. She admired her sister, who seemed to do small but achieved more.
Her sister told her the trick: to be realistic, do not take more than you can handle. Do what you can do for a day and continue the next day.
As a Mom, you may seem eager and energized and motivated to do a lot because, indeed, you have a lot on your “Plate,” but trust me, you will not finish these tasks one day.
Packing too many tasks on your daily schedule is a recipe for frustration and unhappiness.
Your reason may be that the tasks are so much, and if you can do so much in one day, you would finish them up and be free, but understand that your tasks will never end; they will keep coming and coming.
You can only do the ones you can at best and continue the next day. So, have a flexible schedule, rather than feeling so bad that you are behind schedule and ramping up an already tight schedule.
No matter how much work is pressing, you can’t take more than you can. Be fair to yourself and do the necessary. Fix in those activities you can for a day and then, in your schedule, create time for rest.
When work becomes so overwhelming, know when to stop; this is how to be a happier mom.
3. Get Everyone Involved
Since it’s a family, everyone has to be involved in the daily running and upkeep family, so get everyone involved.
Before, I used to shove my kids off and do house chores myself because if I tell them to help out, they take longer; it’s messier, and I end up talking and talking.
It would be faster if I did it myself. I would reason. Now I have learned to go with the flow. I let everyone get involved in the household chores.
Even if it takes time and they may mess things up, you can get them involved in doing something while you have time to concentrate on the essential tasks you are handling.
You can also get the older kids to supervise the younger ones. The kids may not do a perfect job, but in the end, they have done their assignment, and they learnt something.
You could just put the finishing touches on what they have done when you are done with your task. Ensuring that everyone is involved reduces the workload in the home.
So, you make up a to-do list in the house, where everyone has a task to do. Younger kids can pick up toys, put them in the right place, wipe the tables, chairs, etc.
Older kids can wash or dry dishes when you wash, vacuum the floor, make beds, etc. Then you can be left with duties like making meals, handling the bulk of laundry, etc.
Your partner, too, is not left out. He should assist you so that things become easier. When you have less pressure, you will be less stressed and happier.
4. Seek Paid Help When Necessary
If your kids are very young and probably your partner is not always around, or you are a single mom, you may be overwhelmed with too much to do at once. Do important things; you can get paid help for those things you can’t handle.
For example, you might get a cleaning agency to clean up your home since you are swamped in office work, ask your relatives to assist you in shopping or cooking meals for the week or help you handle the piled-up laundry.
They could also help you with the kids while you work, as long as you’re not imposing on their own life. This will relieve you to a great extent, and you will be able to keep the pressure off.
5. Have Time To Unwind
It doesn’t always have to be work, work, work; make time every day to unwind. This should be part of your schedule. Once you have done a bit, sit and relax your nerve.
Have a coffee, talk with your partner, play with the kids, have fun with your family. Also, make time to connect with your inner self, meditate deeply on how the day went, and calm your nerve. Sleep is also very essential.
Chat or call your girls and hear from them, watch TV with the kids, soak in the shower for a while.
All of these would help you nurture your inner essence, and when you can be happy from within, you will be able to share this happiness with everyone around you.
6. Have Quality Time With The Kids
Before long, your kids will be out of your house in no time, so every time you spend now with them is precious.
So, make it count, whatever it is; work, school, social outings, and any other thing you have to do as a mother, do not let them take away the time you should have for your kids and family.
Be there to be their greatest cheer person, correct and discipline in love, read them bedtime stories, give random tickles, high-fives, knuckle bumps, throws throughout the day.
Have a family picnic together, tell them funny stories, think of some great indoor and outdoor activities you can do with your kids, hold them when they cry, or laugh with them when they laugh.
Minimize criticisms, rather be constructive and let them see lessons from everything they do. All these would help you create a stronger mother-child bond.
Let me chip in here that technology is replacing the role of parents today. Many kids are much more in love with their iPad, toys, films than even spending time with parents, which leads to screen-time addiction.
You can’t blame them; some parents are the ones who encouraged this. We fix the kids up with cartoons, games, iPad so that they let us be. Soon, your kids will continue in this trend, and they will be distant from you.
Try to bridge that gap. Limit screen time, instead encourage hands-on activities, and help your kids out while they do these activities.
You can check out our posts on indoor activities for toddlers for ideas on activities you can engage your kids in while they are home here. You are doing all those to be a happy mom for yourself and for your kids.
7. Encourage Family Tradition
These are things peculiar to a family that holds much meaning to them. Birthdays are super important to us; we always celebrate birthdays, no matter how small or big.
Christmas is also another essential family ritual in my family. For some families, the family rituals could be having a family thanksgiving together, a planned picnic, family time every month, camping, etc.
Whatever family ritual you observe, the goal should be to create a closer bond with your family. Now, what are your family ritual? Or do you not have one? If you do not, I encourage you to share the idea with your partner and the entire family.
You all should plan those things that are unique and hold meaning to the family, and you should be consistent with them.
It could be having family time every month, where you all discuss and evaluate your family values goals, a camping time, where you have fun and build a family bond learn new experiences.
Whatever it is, family traditions aim to make you unique and united as a family, and should be considered in your tips on how to be a happier mom.
8. Be Happy From The Inside Out
The smiling and cheerful faces we see every day are not ways smiling and cheerful from within. Many women battle with hurt, pain, sadness, grief but mask it with a smiling face.
If you are in this category, I would say kudos for trying to be a strong and brave mom, showing strength, and not letting your kids see the tears and pains, but I would say you need to heal for you to be a truly happy mom.
I remember I had to deal with this as a mom myself. I would finish crying in the bathroom and then quickly wash my face and smile for my baby.
I remember how I would wait for him to sleep so that I could cry my eyes out. Life is hard, we would be thrown up, down, slammed left and right, but the beautiful thing is that we choose to keep pushing against all odds.
I do not have everything settled, but I have been able to smile over the tears and pains of the past and say to myself, you would keep fighting, and I did.
To become a happier mom, is addressing whatever feelings deep down that hurt you so deep and have broken you. I know it takes time; I am not rushing you. I only encourage you to evaluate your feelings.
You could talk to a trusted friend, counselor, or even a therapist. It is essential to do this because it would help you remove all the negativity that stands in the way of your happiness.
9. Do Those Things Which You Love
You only live once, so while motherhood involves you sacrificing a whole lot of your time, space, mental and physical stamina, etc., you need to think of yourself as part of the picture.
The typical everyday mother’s happy life is that a mom is finally satisfied with the day when she can tick off all the tasks on her to-do list.
Your happiness as a mother should not just be when you feed your kids, clean the home, finish your work at the office or do whatever is on your to-do list. Your happiness is also when you do things for yourself.
When last have you read those romance novels that you so enjoy? Or sing along as you play the piano, take a massage lately? Have you finished knitting that sweater or started up with the painting?
In learning how to be a happier mom, you should learn to successfully handle your home and do those things that make you happy.
So, take time today, plan a spa day, get to the library and borrow some books and read, finish your knitting, make that new cake recipe you have been waiting to try, do those things you truly love but haven’t done for a long while.
10. Take Care Of Your Body
To become a happier mom, you need to be a healthy mom. It would be best if you were healthy physically, mentally, socially all way round.
Physically, it would help if you ate healthily, and while some meals are rich in fibers, proteins, vitamins, minerals, healthy carbs, fats, and oil.
Drink lots of fluids, especially water, avoid too many sugars and junk foods, instead make a healthy snack. Taking natural herbs can serve as relaxing teas for the body.
For example, Arjan water, an ashwagandha herb, is natural stress-relievers because it lowers cortisol. You also need adequate rest as much as possible whenever your body gives you signs you need to rest.
Do not keep skipping sleep and making coffee or other stimulants. Exercise regularly, and keep fit. Great exercises for moms like Yoga, squats, jogging, hiking, and swimming increase the body’s metabolic rate and burn away unnecessary fat.
Your social health is also essential. As they say, humans are social animals. Trust me, staying all day at home doing house chores and taking care of your home is excellent, but you wouldn’t feel fulfilled when that is all you do all year round.
You will need to connect with friends, see the world, have fun with other people aside from your family, share ideas with other individuals. You need quality associations with the right people that can help you and help you become a happier mom.
You need friends who will tell you the truth, give constructive criticism when necessary, be there to cheer you and hold your hands when you need support.
Conclusion
Your journey to finding true happiness doesn’t merely end by reading these tips. You need to work hard at it.
With the right determination, you can fulfill your desire to be truly happy as a mom. These tips listed above, are sure to help you in your journey to true happiness.
I am rooting for you along with all the moms out there hoping for you to win.
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