Anger Management in kids is essential skill parents need to learn. From the first year, you will start noticing Angry signs in an infant so the best time to learn how to help an angry child calm down is now.
Your infant will start getting increasingly independent and want to have his way from two years. As a result, you will notice more cries, disobedience, and anger tantrums.
With each age, your child will become more independent and more willful. Without proper anger management, your child will display more tantrums and become increasingly difficult to control.
It will leave you stressed and frustrated, and you may lose control. You and the child will always conflict, and if this continues till adulthood, you and the child may not see eye-to-eye.
Knowing how vital teaching anger management is from an early age, let’s discuss it.
Of course, the focus is “How to help an angry child calm down”, but before we start talking about tips on this, let’s find out why kids get so angry?
Why Do Children Get So Angry?
Sometimes it is astonishing when you see your child experience anger tantrums for seemly little things, and you may begin to wonder what causes anger issues in kids.
Several factors may result in a child having anger issues and these are some of them:
- It is part of a typical child’s developmental trait. As toddlers of age two and above start getting mature, they will want to display independence, and if you do not let that have their way, they can respond with anger.
- If the child is exposed to family members and other adults arguing or getting angry, he can pick up that trait.
- Emotional neglect
- If the child is bullied
- Dealing with anxiety, stress, fear, etc.
- Finding it hard to cope with a new change
- Feeling unloved
- Health conditions like ADHD and Autism
- Have problems processing information
- Unable to express their needs
How To Deal With A Child’s Anger Issues
There are a couple of ways to help your child deal with their anger issues. The first step to take however in learning how to calm an angry down is to take note of the following tips:
- Find what triggers the anger
- Identify anger signs
- Validate the child’s feelings
- Talk with the child
- Don’t give in to tantrums
- Establish positive disciplinary strategies
- Sometimes ignore
- Use physical restraint where necessary
- Leave a tense environment
- Keep your calm
How To Help A Child With Anger Issues
Children with anger issues are usually volatile and could cause harm to themselves and others but you as a mother can help them out in some ways.
When learning how to help an angry child calm down, there are some things you must do and this is a list of some of the tips to take note of:
- Show affection
- Use positive reinforcement
- Model the right behavior
- Teach the child how to understand his emotions and manage them
- Teach the child how to express himself
- Seek professional help if your child’s anger is uncontrollable
- Encourage regular play like exercises
- Talk with the child
How To A Teach Child To Control Anger
To teach a child to control anger, you must first model the proper behavior by managing your anger. Children mirror the behavior of adults around them a lot.
You are the first example he will learn from. So, when learning how to help an angry child calm down, you have to lead by example.
In addition to this, here are some tricks you can then introduce to help an angry child calm down:
- Teaching him to practice deep breathing in angry situations
- Teaching him to count from 1 to 10, and repeat, till he calms down
- Leaving the tense environment
- Engaging in an activity he loves, like painting or drawing
- Listening to music
- Make him hold his favorite toy
- Going to a quiet corner
- Watch a funny show
- Read a comics or anything that can make him less emotional
- Calling or talking with a friend
- Talking to a trusted adult
Let’s discuss some of these tips listed above
1. Talk With The Child
Talking is therapeutic for an angry person; because most are open to sharing the reasons why they are angry.
If done correctly, talking is an effective tool when learning how to help an angry child calm down, but it may only be very effective for older kids.
When your kid displays anger signs like yelling, showing an angry face, or even getting physical, you may do well to talk to know what is wrong.
This step is essential if you do not know what caused the child’s anger. Talking, is also effective, even if you know what caused the outrage.
It would help the child process his emotions and express them, which is helpful for the child to develop emotional awareness.
So that when they say such feelings in the future, they will quickly identify it. Anger comes with a mixture of emotions like hurt, pain, sadness, bitterness, etc.
You can ask your child to state how he feels when he is angry then, you will know how to help your angry child calm down.
For young toddlers who may not easily express themselves, you can assist the child to appropriately labeling his emotions by asking questions like: you are looking upset? Are you hurt? Do You feel frustrated, or Do you feel sad”?
This way, the child can process if he is feeling the named emotions or not.
2. Teach Kids To Understand Different Feelings
Young kids tend to display emotions they do not know how to describe.
So, if they are hurt or frustrated, or in pain, the easiest way to express these emotions is to lash out in anger or misbehave to get your attention.
Hence, how to teach a child to control his anger is by helping the child learn about the different feelings and how to respond adequately to them.
So, start by labeling each emotion they display from a young age this is how to deal with a child’s anger issues.
For example, if your child is cranky from staying too long at the bus station, you can say, Oh! Ted! I can see you are frustrated, how about we take a walk before the bus arrives?
Or you can say, Oh! I See, you are scared of cockroaches, don’t be scared, they don’t bite, Or I know you are sad, but grandpa had to leave, don’t worry, we can always keep in touch with Grandpa by Skype.
This will help your child know what emotions he is dealing with at any time and learn how to express them rightly, and, more importantly, find ways to manage these emotions.
3. Validate The Child’s Feelings
Validation is an essential step tip that you can use when finding ways on how to help an angry child calm down.
Your child might have acted rudely or displayed anger tantrums that have irked you, but you need to manage your emotions and acknowledge his emotions.
For example, you can say I get that you feel unfortunate that your team did not win; it is normal to feel sad, but what is wrong is when you start fighting your teammates because you lost.
Validating your child’s emotions will help the child feel confident and not alone because he knows that you are there to help him work out his feelings no matter what he does.
For young kids who may not know how to express their feelings, you can validate the feelings by holding them to calm down, taking them to a safe environment when they are having a meltdown.
Be there with them and explain that you understand. These are essential for anger management in kids.
4. Listen To Them When They Open Up
Listening is an effective tool to use when finding how to help an angry child calm down. When you invite your child for a talk, you must practice active listening and hear him out.
Be interested in hearing what he has to say (even if you already know it), and do not interrupt or criticize while the child speaks.
If you want your child to listen to you, you first need to listen to the child. It will make your child feel understood, and he would appreciate that you are trying to hear him out.
Avoid jumping to conclusions about your child’s action; allow the child to explain and while he does so, reflect on what he says to establish the truth.
It is also essential to ask questions to ensure you are clear from whatever he says to understand clearly. While trying to talk to your child, he may likely be overwhelmed with emotions.
It is essential to allow the child to calm down a bit before speaking with the child, if the child’s feelings seem to always get in the way, you need now to be firm and require an adequate response from them.
This is important to help the child deal with his emotions and know that you are in charge.
5. Give Physical Attention
This tip is a handy tip on how to help an angry child calm down, especially if the child is a young infant or toddler.
Most times, babies and young toddlers may not be able to express themselves, and hence you may not know the cause of the anger.
Physical attention will be a helpful anger management technique then.
For young toddlers having a meltdown, you can let the child calm down a bit and hug the child or hold the child on the shoulder this is how to calm your angry child down.
Hugging the child would help release oxytocin, which helps reduce stress, improves positive feelings, and can help calm the child’s anger and help him recover fast.
It also shows that you are there to support him. When toddlers are cranky or angry, they express themselves only through tears.
You calm your crying toddler through physical touch like swaddling, rocking, etc. Check the post on how to calm a crying child here for more information on calming a crying baby.
6. Change Of Environment
If the atmosphere around is tense, it may help if you change the setting to make the child calmer and reduce stress.
For example, if you have been out shopping for a long, it would be expected if your child starts getting angry and cranky.
If you notice your child wants to throw a tantrum because he wants to get a particular toy in the store, it is wise to leave the store immediately so that he doesn’t get you angry.
You can then address the situation much later, which reduces the intensity of the problem. This way, it is better for everyone involved.
7. Teach Your Child Ways To Cope With Anger
Teaching anger management skills to kids is one of the best tips to help an angry child calm down.
After you have had a one-on-one with the child and have made a firm decision regarding the child’s behavior at that moment, you need to teach the child appropriate ways to channel his anger and manage his emotions.
Steps like taking deep breaths, counting 1-5, going out of the tense environment or going to a quiet room, drawing, coloring, etc.
The child can employ myriads of calming down techniques to help him calm down.
Also, teach the child to develop anger management skills like playing with a favorite toy that he can hold, like a stress ball, wrapping on a blanket or even a massage, reading a funny book, apply a calming lotion.
All these tips can help you out when figuring out how to calm an angry child down.
8. Discipline When Necessary
You may wonder how discipline is an essential tip on how to make an angry child calm down nicely. Your child needs to learn that aggressive behaviors are wrong and not acceptable with appropriate discipline.
Your child will learn to manage his anger rightly when he has anger issues. Hence this is a handy tip on how to help a child deal with anger issues.
Note that because your child is angry does not mean that you discipline him, for it is normal to feel angry when upset.
But if your child displays wrong behaviors like using swear words, destroying things, walking out on people, or engaging in a fight, they need to be disciplined. It is best to discipline when the child is calmer.
After talking with him to know the cause of the anger and validating your child’s feelings, you should also explain to him how he acted wrongly and broke the rules, and for that, he has to face the consequences this is how to help an angry child calm down.
Explaining this to the child will help him learn from his mistakes. It also helps him make the right decisions when angry. You can let him suggest ways that he thinks are appropriate for the discipline.
It could help the child learn responsibility. While you allow the child to suggest, remember you make the final decision, not him. So, do not let the child manipulate you on what to do.
Appropriate discipline should be age-appropriate. Disciplinary measures could include grounding, taking away privileges, using money from his savings to replace what he destroyed, house chores, etc.
9. Address Physical Aggression
If a child displays aggressive behaviors like constantly engaging in brawls, destroying things, and going violent, you need to take proper steps to address this behavior.
First, you have to check yourself if you display such an attitude, next teach your kids to channel their energy into something productive.
Do not reinforce wrong behaviors by giving in to the child’s demands or not giving appropriate discipline after bad behavior.
When a child gets angry or violent, make sure you take him to a safe place and allow him to expend his energy until he is calmer.
Do not resort to hitting or other physical means of aggression to stop your child’s aggressive behavior. If the aggressive behavior becomes excessive, you may have to see a therapist for a solution.
10. Keep Your Calm
It is possible to get worked up when your child is tense. Hence an essential tip on how to teach a child to control his anger his to be calm. If you are upset, you won’t be able to calm your child.
So ensure that you act as quietly as possible when your child displays anger tantrums. Do not yell, talk in firm tones and act with authority but do not hit the child.
If you are getting worked up, take deep breaths or give the child a time-out and calm yourself down. Be sure to ask questions, not criticize, and seek help if you feel too overwhelmed to handle an angry situation.
Final Words
Anger Management is part of our everyday events in the home, and kids are not left out. Thy are just as human as you are and will react to things that upset them.
As a parent, it is your job to learn these tips now so you can help them out with ways to calm down when they are upset.
This will make you create a safe space for them at home and build a healthy relationship with your child.
However, not all kids are the same. They won’t all respond to the same things. If these tips don’t help out, see a child counselor.
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