If you have indulged your child for so long, you probably may have started noticing that the child is becoming spoilt. Finding how to unspoil a child should be a priority now. The process of unspoiling a child does happen for one day.
But, it would take time and some determined efforts. When I hear parents complain about how their kids are spoilt brats, unruly, and running the show in the home, I always say, “you are the one major reason your kids acting this way”?
Of course, they do not always agree, but when I analyze some things, they begin to see reasons—finding how to unspoil a child? Let’s see some things you can do as a parent to make it possible.
1. Identify How You Contributed To The Child Spoilt Behavior
Like it or not, the spoilt behavior you are observing in your kids played a huge role in them displaying such. You probably overindulged them such that they begin to have an entitlement mentality.
You found it hard to create boundaries because you didn’t want them to feel bad. You gave them specific things that were unnecessary because you could not handle their tantrums, you did not set rules or were not consistent with them, or there were no corrective or disciplinary measures in place.
All these factors may have contributed to you having a spoilt child, so take a self-evaluation and find out how you have been defaulting.
2. Set House Rules
Rules are in place not as a form of punishment but to guide and direct, so if you haven’t any rules set down in your home, know that How to spoil a child is by setting rules in the house. Before you begin penning down those rules, take time to ponder on the appropriate rules that would work your home.
Not all rules are feasible in every home. For instance, setting a rule that bedtime is 8 pm when you and your kids work in a diner closes at night is pointless for you won’t have time to put them to bed.
Ensure that the rules that your rules are short, clear, and concise. Pick up after playing, wash your hands after coming outdoors, put used clothes in the hamper, not on the floor, et cetera. All these are some clear rules for kids below 5.
3. Set Consequences For Rules
In life, there are always consequences when things and done wrong and when people break the rules. It would be best if you made this know to your kids early enough.
I sometimes know as parents, we do not wish to expose our kids to the harsh realities of life, so we tend to shield them from it, but over time, it results in spoilt kids.
So, you have set rules, and your child refused to obey, again and again. Have you thought of consequences that will make the child learn why the rules are important? As you set rules, also ensure that consequences are appropriate.
Just like rules, the consequences have to be practical. Do no set consequences that you know the child will not learn. For example, if you a tradition in your home is to wash hands before entering indoor, and your child does not always obey, an appropriate consequence may not be not stopping his swimming lessons when you know the child does not love swimming in the first place.
But a consequence like no washing hands no treats may work. When the child is not allowed ice creams and cakes or he watches his siblings eating theirs, he will be more alert and learn to obey the rule. It is how to unspoil a child fast.
4. Be Consistent
How to unspoil a child is by being consistent with rules and consequences. Set a rule and implement a consequence action but falter another day and another.
Soon they would not obey the rules, and the consequences would not be practical. Your kids would not hold your words to value.
Your kids will learn fast when you are consistent with rules and the lessons you are trying to teach through the appropriate consequences.
At first, it would be, though. Of course, your kids would want to have their way as always. They are not be used to seeing you this way, but when you stick to your guns, they would have no choice but to adapt.
5. Do Not Say Yes All The Time
Saying yes to kids is easier than saying No, right? After all, you do not have to deal with the whining and the troubles of arguments and bargaining, especially when you are stressed and have had a long day at work but remember, if you continue with this circle of giving in, it will become a yes yes game all the time. How to unspoil a child is to break the circle of saying yes.
It may not be easy with the work stress, and all your kids make it big fuss, and it may seem like you are too harsh, but it is the right thing to do.
So think, how well relevant is my child asking of me? For example, if your child asks, “Mum can I have another pack of juice” when he has already had several packs, saying no should be the best answer no matter how much the child screams.
But when your child asks for food after a long day outdoors, saying yes should be the reply. Trust me, making your child learn that you won’t say yes all the time will be a big deal, so be ready for it.
But do not give in to irrational things no matter how much fuss they make. Once you can hold your ground, your child would soon realize that it is not business as usual.
You have to be understanding in this approach, though. Remember that your child has is spoilt, and you played a role, so do not go so “die-hard.” The key is to be firm but kind. While you say no, you will have to give reasons but be concise.
Lengthy explanations may lead to unending bargaining and arguments that will tire you out and want to do it. Just state the reasons and make it final. Remember, you are the parent, and you give the rules.
6. Be Realistic In Your Expectations
While you are eager to unspoil your child, you may go all out and start setting fancy expectations for them, only to end up frustrated with the whole process when they can’t meet your expectations.
So, how about sitting down and thinking of what you know your child can do and set a realistic expectation from your child, instead of just copying from someone else? Expectations should be age-appropriate and something that you know your kids can carry through.
For example, if your child has a poor reading culture and does not seem to want to do anything related to his bookwork, you can set a rule like read through all that you have been taught In school every night. Do not expect the child to read all the school books.
Your expectation should be more like him reading 1or 2 books and, most importantly, understanding the topics he has read. It is a more realistic expectation. While you relate to your kids, your expectations to them, ensure that you explain clearly.
Do not be vague; this will ensure that you and your kids are all on the same page. For example, a realistic expectation of your kids of 2 to 5 years old should be to put toys the basket after playing instead of saying set toys away after playing.
Wash your hands at the outside sink before coming inside instead of saying, your hands should always be clean when you come from outdoor. You are very clear and specific this way.
7. Establish A Parent-Child Relationship
When you have a healthy relationship With your child, It will be easy for you to unspoil your child fast. Your child will learn to listen to you and obey rules when you both have created a bond.
But trying to unspoil a child when you do not even have a working relationship with the child is usually futile—finding how to unspoil a child? Then think Of establishing a relationship with your child if you haven’t done so.
Most parents are guilty of not having enough time to build quality relationships with their kids and to being there for them. So to compensate, they end up over-indulging, indulging them, saying yes to everything, no correction, not setting boundaries.
It goes on and on, leading to spoilt kids. Try to make out time for your kids. Ask yourself, do I want to carry on with this busy life of making money but have no time for my kids, and they end as spoilt brats? Or should I pay the price now and create more time to direct and control them to be better individuals tomorrow?
Create time for your kids to have fun, teach them essential life lessons, know about their likes and dislikes. It doesn’t always have to be about buying material things for them. Invest in the gift of time.
Learn about their lives and identify those things that matter to them. Discuss how you feel they are going the wrong path and how you want them to work on themselves to become better individuals.
8. Be A Model
If you are finding how to unspoil a child, as much as you tell your kids what to do, you need to show much more than you tell. First, start with a positive attitude to parenting and correcting kids.
If you are harsh or you yell, you (check out our post on how to stop yelling at children) or are not consistent in rules and consequences.
If you overindulge them, if you fear confrontation, you lack emotional maturity, you lack organizational skills. You are too busy updating your kid’s life, do not show compassion, are wasteful, and pride yourself in buying too many things for your kids; your kids will find it hard to listen to what you have to say because you are not showing the right example.
So, start setting the right tone of leadership and lead by example. Change your mindset towards some things that you know would spoil your child, like buying unnecessary gifts to make your child know that you care.
Identify those areas where you know you are at fault and work hard to become a better mom. Check the post on how to become a better mom on the blog to learn more. When your child sees that you model the traits you encourage him to develop, it will be easier to unspoil the child.
9. Involve Other Parties
The job of unspoiling a child would be relatively quickly done if you engage other necessary parties and authority figures In your child’s life. Your effort may not be mean so much if other essential authority figures are overindulging them or allowing them to do what they like.
The first significant person that should be on the same page with you Is your partner. Both of you should work hand-in-hand to correct. Set rules and consequences, set boundaries, and carry out essential steps on raising a child. Other vital parties involved are your kid’s teachers, nannies, babysitters, grandparents, uncles, aunts, etc.
10. Do Not Give In To Tantrums
There will be whining and anger fits from your kids when you first set out to unspoil your child but do not give in. Be ready for it. It will be embarrassing, annoying, frustrating, and it will test your patience but hold firm as this is an integral part of the unspoiling process. When your child sees that you are unperturbed, he will finally start getting to understand the word No.
11. Involve Your Kids In Activities
To unspoil kids, get them involved in activities around the home, school, and community. Make them learn that they have to be involved. You can be effective with this by creating routines and schedules that they will have to follow, making them learn to be involved.
your kids in simple house chores like folding washed clothes and picking up dirty clothes. Older kids can assist in the kitchen, vacuum the house get groceries, etc. This way, they learn the value of hard work and become responsible individuals, and this is how to unspoil a child.
12. Quit Giving Empty Threats
Your kids will not value your words if all they get are empty threats. At first, they may take you seriously, but if you do not consistently enforce consequences, sooner they will continue the circle of misbehavior. Always make sure that when you give threats, you should follow through with them.
If you are unsure of an appropriate consequence, you should address the wrong behavior later. Take time to think through the proper consequence that would be effective so that the child can learn.
13. Start Teaching Your Kids Basic Etiquette And Values
How not to spoil your baby, child even teenager is by teaching them the basic etiquette and values required by society. Words like please, thank you, sorry, may I? It should be part of their daily vocabulary. They can learn this when you use these words when conversing with them and when you correct them when they fail to use them.
Also, teach them Important virtues like punctuality, neatness, hard work, saving money, planning, making the right decisions, patience, empathy, independence, learning from mistakes and failures, etc. All these should be part of your parenting plan. Check out our post on how to raise a child to learn more.
14. Rather Than Giving Them Everything, Make Them Earn It
The traditional way to spoil a child is by overindulging your child and giving them everything they want. To unspoil the child, stop giving him everything he wants. Instead of giving your child things all the time, make him earn them.
He may have to work hard on his studies and handle all home duties effectively before he gets a special treat. Trust me, it will be more appreciated this way, rather than giving a treats whenever he asks for it. This is how to unspoil a child.
15. Stop Giving Unnecessary Apologies
As a parent, you may feel bad when you discipline your kids, so sometimes, you may say, “I am sorry mummy has to involve consequences,” but saying this is wrong. State the consequences and go through with it.
Apologizing when you discipline your child rightly (Check out the post on how to discipline a child to know how to discipline rightly) may make the child feel that you are acting unfairly, plus the child needs to learn that consequences are part of life. Save your apologies for when you react wrongly or yell to your child. Check out our post on how to stop yelling to learn what to do instead of yelling.
Unspoiling a child is not instantaneous. It takes time, patience, consistency, knowledge, and understanding, but it is worth it to raise better individuals.
Save this for later mama!