Before I became a mom, I believed that motherhood was a bit easy and fun. I had lots of ideas on how I would be the best parent ever. I didn’t stop to think that it may be a little different, so I missed out on some things.
Don’t get me wrong. I read, researched, asked questions, planned, saved, and did all I felt necessary. I felt fully ready to take it on because I loved children.
During Pregnancy, I started having a prep of how the motherhood journey will be. With the “new visitor” accommodating my belly, I was restricted on a lot of things. My diet was a bit altered. Dressing changed, moods changed as well.
I was seriously expectant of my little boy. I wanted to get it done with, so I finally get to see him. Boom delivery time came, my eyes started opening to the reality of motherhood.
The stress; my precious sleep was gone, unending visitors, low breast milk flow, all these culminated into a lot of stress that I felt a bit on edge with myself and everyone around. I thought I had planned, read, and observed other parents.
I found out that there were so many things I didn’t know about being a mom. From my experience as a mother, I can say that having an open mind, being open to changes, and taking things a step at a time helps as you scale through motherhood.
A lot of women do a lot to prepare for the baby. Shopping, preparing the home, reading books, researching are just some of the few things done before the around of a baby.
There is hardly any woman that will say her perception when she didn’t have children didn’t change a bit when we became a mother. The motherhood experience will make you see things that you never saw before.
I will share some of my experience as a mom and ten things I wish I knew before becoming a mom. There are words of advice for new parents, TTC moms, and even pregnant moms who haven’t had the first-hand experience of what motherhood entails.
Happy reading.
1. Labour Isn’t What We See On TV
While I was pregnant, I planned many things, but Labour was one of the things I missed out on, and I wish I didn’t. My only idea of Labour was what we see on TV, a woman’s water breaks, rushed to the hospital, and boom, she has a baby.
I didn’t know that Labour was way more than that. I didn’t realize the Labour was in stages, and it took long hours before the delivery. Though I have heard of women spending two to three days in Labour, I didn’t think much about that, I never imagined myself in such a situation, so I didn’t prepare my mind mentally and didn’t prepare my body physically.
I should have exercised more to strengthen my muscles. During my first stage of Labour, it seemed ok. I had contractions similar to menstrual pains and lochia.
I had learned about that at Maternity classes, so I said all well, let’s do this. As time went on, I was seriously waiting for the “water to break” as I had always seen in movies, but nothing happened; the contractions became a little stronger.
I tried to busy myself washing off some clothes, arranging my baby stuff, and headed for the hospital. Immediately they checked me to see how far gone it was as if that initiated a set of reactions, and I started feeling intense contractions, and it wasn’t a joke.
In my last stage of Labour, I almost gave up opting for a C-section but blessed the kind-hearted nurses and doctors. They encouraged me and saw me through the whole process.
Labour differs for women. Some women have said that it’s quick and relatively easy, others long and hard. My mom’s advice for an expectant mum or TTC (trying to conceive women) is to prepare mentally and physically for Labour.
Labour is hard work; you need to strengthen your muscles. Pelvic exercises are superb. I’m not going to miss them in my subsequent Pregnancy. Talk to women who have had children to give you first-hand knowledge of their experiences, and most importantly, talk to your medic.
When you are prepared, you are better able to carry it out successfully. If you are currently an expectant mom and in search of the best tips to have an easier labor and delivery.
I have compiled some of the most simple and helpful steps that enabled me to have an easy delivery and labor feel free to check out the secret strategies you need to follow for an easier labor
2. Having A Baby Changes You Inside Out
The experience of pregnancy and birthing changes you in no small way. From the morning sickness when you do not seem to understand your body, to those terrible mood swings where you get pissed for any little thing, to the times when you feel so frustrated and scared and unsure, the times of excitement when you can’t wait to shop for your little one and can’t wait to see him or her.
Times when you feel so bloated like you are a stranger in your own body and feel tired with body pains. The time when you feel so stressed out after having an all-night rocking and nursing the baby while still trying to keep a clean home.
Things will not remain the same with this new responsibility. A new baby comes to change your world, makes you responsible for another human. You will want to do all, to be there, to be more accountable.
Some old plans fade away and new ones’ birth. You sacrifice a part of yourself. I have always been a responsible person, but when I had my baby, my responsibility tripled.
I felt new and different emotions sometimes. I feel like I traded part of myself, or I am an updated version of myself, but definitely, I am not the way I used to be. One mom’s advice to any woman desiring to have a child is to prepare for changes.
3. Being A Mom Is More Than A Wish
I love children. Their innocence, vast imaginations, perspective to things, their simplicity, the way they have fun even in tough situations astounds me.
Because I love children, I have always wished to have a quiver full of them. That was before I had one myself. With only one child, I know that being a mom is more than just a wish.
When you see social media flooded with cute pictures of kids and their parents with matching outfits or kids dressed so pretty, you will adore them and start wishing for your little one.
But ask the parents what they do behind the scene. Dealing with tantrums, disciplining them (I have written a guide on how to effectively discipline your toddler here), feeding them, providing their needs, showing love, giving them attention even when you are stressed.
Doing all this takes a lot, and if you are not ready, if you are not prepared and intentional about having a child, that is the beginning of problems in parenting. Plan before having a child; It is imperative.
It is mom advice, a great word of advice you don’t want to miss. Being a mom is not merely about wishing you have a child, a piece of you and your partner, or having one you can call your own.
How about the resources to give the child a good life? Will the child grow in the right environment? Have you developed mentally and emotionally to be responsible for another human? Do you have adequate knowledge to raise a well-rounded child? These are some of the many questions you should answer before considering having a child.
While I didn’t plan my pregnancy, I am learning through the journey of motherhood the things I should have known and learned before becoming a mom.
It is good that I learn fast because, seriously, it isn’t always about the smiles and pictures. I know I will be very stable in many areas before thinking of having another child.
4. You Do Not Fit Into The Maternal Role At Once
Parenting doesn’t come with a laid-down blueprint that you follow. You learn by observing other parents, adding it with the ideas you have gotten from your parents, adding one or two knowledge and advice from friends, families, and medics, research and reading, and using your instincts.
Many times we feel parenting should come naturally, but it doesn’t all the time. Most times, you have to learn. I had heard of maternal instinct before I had my little boy that women have Instincts that draws them to their child and make them know what to do.
I believe this to some extent, but instincts are not enough to raise a child. Before I had a child, I thought my natural caring instinct would help me fit into my maternal role perfectly.
Well, that was not the case. I was surprised when I felt so stressed, and I was burning out. I didn’t know that I will be a little depressed after having a bundle of joy.
Nothing prepared me for the numerous diaper changes, bath, rocking, and all that I had to do when you give birth. There were times where I’ll be stuck and didn’t know what to do or what I did wrong when my baby cried uncontrollably.
I thought I have maternal Instincts, but now I know that fitting into the maternal role as a mom does not come at once. It comes with patience, practice, courage, and strength not to give up this is one mom’s advice never to part with.
5. Seek Advice From The Right People
In the multitude of right counsel, there is safety. It is true, really true for expectant, first-time mums, or trying to conceive moms. The motherhood journey will make and break you.
Since It is an experience, you have never had. There will be roadblocks and hitches. There will be high roads and moments of uncertainty—definitely times of tears and Joy so deep from within.
You don’t want to go this road, totally oblivious of what to expect. It is why I give this mom advice: seek the right counsel from other trusted mothers. I didn’t do this, and to this moment, I regret it.
I never asked any woman how the motherhood journey was, the pains, the challenges, and trials and tips for the breakthrough.
Yes, I read, I researched, but there’s nothing like having a “one-on-one” with a trusted friend or family who has a wealth bank of experience and is doing well in her motherhood journey.
To give you hints on what motherhood is about and, if possible, share her real-life experience with you so that you know what you are going into. It will make you open-minded to what motherhood is about and to have an idea of what to expect.
6. Regulate Visitors After Birth
I wish I had done this. Maybe I won’t have been so irritated the first few weeks after birth. After coming from the hospital, visitors come to greet you and the baby.
I know they mean well but do they have to visit now? I always asked myself. Here I was, dealing with episiotomy pain, not fully recovered after delivery, trying to keep my sanity after staying awake all night now trying to catch some precious sleep.
Next, I hear I have visitors. Gosh, honestly, it was frustrating. Sometimes I would purposely delay and see if they will take a cue that I was tired or sleeping but hardly; most times; they always want to see you and the baby.
They want to hear about your experience in the Labour room. I plaster a smile on my face because, honestly, I just wanted to have my sleep and rest. Regulating visitors is a piece of mom advice I think every new mum should think through.
For some women, it won’t be a border. They need visitors to talk to, and it doesn’t bug them. But for moms like me, visitors during birth were disturbing, and I’m going to find a way to regulate this in my next delivery.
7. You Will Not Be Perfect At Breastfeeding At Once
Like many other things in motherhood that involve learning, to breastfeed is one of them. I wish I had known that I wouldn’t have put so much pressure on myself when I didn’t lactate well after birth.
I was so worried I thought something was wrong with me. Whenever I wanted to breastfeed, I was always nervous because when my baby didn’t get sufficient milk, it took some time to pet him before he agrees to suck again.
Also, my nipples sore was terrible. I would bit my lips while breastfeeding. Now that I have mastered breastfeeding, I can only give this mom advice: do not pressure yourself about breastfeeding.
It will take some time to learn how to latch correctly, adjust to the baby’s weight while breastfeeding, and even get the proper breastfeeding position. So please do not feel bad that you are not doing it so well at once.
If you are currently in this phase of motherhood I have an article with the best breastfeeding hacks and tips you can adopt for a better feeding experience for your child. Remember do not over-pressure yourself while trying to apply these breastfeeding hacks.
8. You Need A Routine To Be Effective
It is easy to go around the repeated circle of work, work, work when you are a mom. Feeding, shopping, doing chores, It doesn’t end. If you’re not careful, you’re going to burn out and become a shadow of yourself. I experienced this when I had my baby.
At a point, I will be losing touch with myself, and I had to make a change. The game-changer was schedules and routines. Now I live by routines, and things are much more manageable.
Suppose I had known that routines and schedules were super helpful. I would have adopted using them even before I became a mom. You want to check out our article on moms Morning routines and the best productive routine to adopt as a mom for more sanity and balance in your day. These are some routines I use that help me clean my day.
Along side developing a routine and effective habits this Goal Chaser planner by Afamuche has been so helpful and transformational in my life, not just as a mom but as a woman with dreams, desires, wants, and needs.
The Goal Chaser has enabled me to calculatedly outline my goals and sort out the steps, habits, and routines that I would need to adopt or develop to create a better life not just for myself but for my son as well.
Alongside the Goal Chaser Planner, I make use of The Life Compass Workbook and these workbooks have been so helpful in keeping my mental and emotional health balanced.
Being responsible for another person isn’t an easy task, it can be exhausting, confusing, tiring sometimes. And being in the right state of mind with the right energy is paramount for you and your kids.
9. Self-Care Is Extremely Vital
One of the things women are quick to neglect is self. Faced with a messy house, demanding kids, job, partner, we keep shoving ourselves down and down the corner until we no longer know who we are.
We no longer do the things we love. Our life begins to be about other people, not us. Before I had a child, I never really pampered myself or had so many treats.
I was saving, and there was school and meeting other mundane needs. No time for it so much fun, I thought. When I had my baby, every element of myself was gradually vanishing.
Reading which used to be my escape from the world was gone. I barely had time for my sleep not to talk of reading. I had a rethink. Now I make time for myself no matter what.
I am not so much a fan of Spas, but I do massages, read, shop, and rest a lot. I do not replace them for anything, and my mom’s advice for you is that you should prioritize self-care.
You do not have to do so much as a mom to take care of yourself here is a list of simple self-care ideas for busy moms that you can practice to recharge, refresh, get in tune with yourself and avoid burning out.
10. Do Not Be A Perfectionist
I used to be a perfectionist. Sometimes I go to the extreme when I do things. With motherhood, I saw that you could not be too perfect. It would be best if you kept trying.
You need to know that you will make some mistakes, and it is ok to feel bad, feel guilt. But the important thing is that you keep learning, keep growing. Keep trying to get to be the better version of yourself.
My experience as a first-time mom wasn’t so bad but could have been better. I am glad I have learned and still learning. Dear TTC, new parents, pregnant moms, and anyone who wishes to be a parent. It would be best if you did not make some of the mistakes I made. So this write-up is just for you.
Always remember irrespective of the phase of motherhood you are in, you are a great, exceptional, and unique mom. You are doing extremely well with your kids and you are on your way to raising rare diamonds.
Save this for later!
