Having a parent and child relationship depends on many factors: your presence in the child’s life, how you show love, meeting needs, communicating with them, and many more.
Communication is a vital aspect that we sometimes overlook. Since talking comes naturally, we are sometimes not mindful of what we say how we say it.
Keep quiet, shut up, leave me alone, all these, and seem not to do any harm, but over time, if misused, could create adverse psychological effects on the child.
A child you keep telling to shut up may never express himself because he feels he should always shut up before everybody. Tell a child I will never forgive you; it can rob the child’s Joy maybe for a lifetime.
He feels empty, guilty for being born, and myriads of other emotions. A child who hears you are a mistake from his parents may never live fulfilling because he feels unwanted.
Below I have listed out 15 things you should never say to your child. You may not have thought that some of these things were wrong before, but read through and learn how devastating these words, when said, could be to your child.
1. You Don’t Know What You’re Saying
Kids may sometimes be unclear in their statements or expressions and may seem to have the funniest of ideas, but that doesn’t mean they are stupid.
There is a sense in every little thing they say. Sometimes, in those things they say that seem funny, there is always sense in it. You only need to be patient and listen to them.
Telling your child, you don’t know what you are saying is like a backslap. It is like you immediately shove him to the corner to be quiet. Of course, that will affect him emotionally. You may not mean to do that, but all the same, you have, and it can affect them. It makes him feel shame; it hinders self-expression and lack of self-confidence.
2. Do I Have To Say This A Million Times?
You say a thing to a kid, and he keeps asking even after you have said it several times. It can be annoying and irritating, and you ask: do I have to repeat myself a million times? It is not always about the kid.
Check the way you are communicating that thing instead of yelling. Take time to explain clearly and be patient with the kids. With time, they would get it.
3. You Can Achieve Any And Everything
While this is a great word of encouragement for a kid sometimes, it gives a false picture of how the real world is. Everyone knows that sometimes we don’t get what we want and sometimes we do.
Make your children learn this fact rather than making them believe that any and everything is achievable. It will not give them a balanced view of life.
Kids who have grown with the mentality of achieving everything can become disappointed when they meet roadblocks or make mistakes and may develop low self-worth if not careful.
Other times, these kids become over-ambitious, selfish, and want things always done their way and so, they lose a sense of what truly matters. They may want to venture into wrong things because they believe anything is possible.
4. How Are We Going To Foot The Bills?
Granted, things may be challenging for you as a single parent or family but do your best not to let the kids into this. Choose instead to tell someone mature or an adult friend instead of your kids.
Remember, financial responsibility is your parental responsibility; complaining to the child is a bit irresponsible. If you are stressed financially and want to talk about it, your friends or family should be the ones you should tell, not your kids, because it puts unnecessary pressure and anxiety on them.
They become scared and unsure about the future, and that is wrong. Even if things are not working well, try to make boldface before the kids. I know you want them to understand but telling them is pointless because they can’t do much.
The pressure can make kids start trying to find ways to fend for themselves. So this is one thing you should never say to your child.
5. You Should Be Ashamed Of Yourself
Saying these words to your child, what you aim to achieve? It makes the child feel worthless and have low self-esteem. Or the child who wants to prove that he is not ashamed may become obstinate and have discipline issues.
All these lead to a broken child. Most times, saying this is to make the child know that what he has done is wrong. But instead of saying that, talk to your child and make him see reasons for the inappropriate behavior. This way, he learns from his mistakes. Also, never body shame your child.
6. You Are Too Young To Know What You Want
You are the parents you have had Bazillion experiences, so you are way more experienced than your kids, but that doesn’t mean you should undermine their opinions.
Kids can be very wise of things, even at a tender age. Yes, they may not know all there is to a thing, but it is best not to shut them off but listen to them when they are serious concerning a particular item.
It may seem stupid or insignificant, but you need to be sensitive to your child’s feelings as a good parent. If they are bent on having something that you do not feel is necessary, why don’t you sit with them and talk about it.
You may be surprised at the revelations and deep knowledge they have and why they want it. So if your three years old once intends to play the flute instead of piano or enjoys working with the computer instead of playing with friends, do not say he doesn’t know what he wants.
You may just be surprised at the reasons he gives when you talk to him about it. As a parent, you should wish to raise a child that makes choices of his own and respects them even when considering the options of others. This way, you can raise an adult who has a sense of self and can create boundaries and not be a people pleaser.
7. Is Something Wrong With You?
It seems like a genuine question to say to your child only if used correctly; that is when the child is hurting. But it is one thing you should not say to your child if you are angry or frustrated with them.
I’ll give you an example, say you all are teaching your child simple addition, and you have gone through tons and tons of examples, yet the child still fails the exercise.
It can be easy to blurt out angrily. Is something wrong with you? Of course, you do not understand why he finds it hard to get it right, but you should never say that.
Sometimes kids take time to understand even a simple fact and do not forget you are an adult, you are used to some things, but they are not.
Saying such words will only make the child start feeling he has a problem, he is a failure, and he feels scared and unsure of himself and even have low self-esteem.
All this can cause devastating effects, and it could take time for them to get over it.
8. Don’t You See Your Brother Or Sister?
There is likely that child in every family that is a child who is a bit tougher to handle than the other kids and the child who does not give the parents headache.
Every parent would want their kids to be easy to train and compliance, and for the difficult ones, you wish he was like his siblings. That is understanding.
Hence we start comparing and making remarks like, don’t you see your brother or sister and I wish we just like Sam; he’s so understanding and doesn’t give me problems as you do.
Never compare your child with another kid, no matter how difficult or challenging he is. It never does any good it makes him feel hurt, guilty or inferior before their siblings.
It can also breed feelings of anger, hate, resentment, and contempt that can lead to many problems in the future. As a parent, you should avoid favoritism between the kids to make every child see they are equal, even for the challenging child.
For your difficult kids, find ways to get through to them, never give up on them, and one of the things you should never say to your child is: I wish you like your brother or sister.
9. I Will Never Forgive You
his is one of the things you should ever say to your child no matter what happens. If you are angry, sad, or in a bad state, never say I will never forgive you to your child.
Is your child driving up the wall? That is understandable, or maybe he made a costly mistake or lost something important or that you cherish so much.
Yes, it hurts, but that is not enough to reason to say the words I will never forgive you. Even when you do not mean it, you can rob the child of his entire happiness. You are making him live in guilt and shame.
Plus, he feels insecure, and it creates a deep chasm that may never fill throughout his lifetime. No matter what, one quality of a good parent is love, which comes with forgiveness.
Your child will do stuff that may hurt and make you rethink your parenting journey, but above all, your heart should be big enough to accommodate and forgive when necessary.
10. You Will Be Fine
It is one of the quickest encouragements to a hurting or frustrated child, but if you use it every time, it will not achieve its purpose. An upset child needs empathy more than sympathy.
Saying you will be okay may be the easiest way to calm him down, but have you considered that the child may not still feel fine even after saying that?
Or that your child is hurting and he needs to cry more or and let it out? Or that you should hold the child and be there rather than saying things will be better when they’re not?
It is very easy to think of positive things to say to help, but sometimes we do not need to say that. Be realistic when you have to and see the child through pain rather than telling the very easy words: you will be fine.
11. You Were A Mistake
You never planned to have the child, So? You don’t have to tell the whole world that, especially not your child. One of the things you should never say to your child is you are a mistake, or I never planned to have you.
It will do a lot of damage to an innocent child who never asked to be born. It can create a devastating effect not only on the child but on the unborn generations. If you do not want to have a child, do not have one. Your child should not bear the brunt of your mistake.
12. After All, I Do For You
It is not healthy to always keep saying these words to your child. It makes the child feel helpless. If you keep saying this to your child, it makes the child feel worse.
Like he wants to be swallowed up inside the earth, and that should not be your aim to corrections. A child who does wrong should realize he’s wrong and change not to feel lesser than a human because of his actions.
13. Leave Me Alone
Possibly passing through is a stressful experience, or dealing with a hard time and your child is bickering on you for attention. The quickest reply I can be: leave me alone.
But this is one thing you should never say to your child. You could say this instead: mummy is busy now, or mummy is stressed or give them a hint on how you feel and how will not be able to handle whatever they want from you at, but promise them that you would do that at a much later time when you are free. That way, you do not undermine their feelings.
14. I Will Leave You And Go
It is the most popular thing to use for kids to go when they refuse to come along with you.
It seems harmless, but do you know what it does to create a sense of insecurity and feel you may neglect them some time in their lives? It can also be very frightening.
15. You Are Too Soft
Sometimes your child may overreact to some things that you feel you shouldn’t bother them, maybe a lost toy car, and he keeps crying for it even after petting and promises to get a new one.
You may get irritated and yell at him: you are too soft. Do you know what it would do? It would make them feel that there is something wrong with them, and it undermines their feelings.
While you communicate with your kids, watch your words and ensure that these 15 things not to say to your child are avoided.
Good luck!!!
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