It is entirely normal to feel a bit scared about pregnancy. You may have heard of how disturbing morning sickness is and how strenuous labor could be.
But when the fear begins to affect other areas of your life such that you dread the mention of having a child, then it is something to think of. If you find yourself in this situation, you have to find ways on how to get over the fear of having a baby.
What Is Extreme Fear Of Giving Birth?
The extreme fear of giving birth is called Tokophobia. It is a paralyzing fear of pregnancy that affects a woman emotionally, physically, and mentally.
Tokophobia is of two types: primary tokophobia, which is the fear that exists when the woman does not have a child before, and secondary tokophobia, the fear of childbirth due to difficult or past-traumatic labor, miscarriage, or stillbirth.
Many factors like poor psychological factors, stories or experiences of past pregnancy trauma, depression, anxiety, and uncooperative partner can cause fear.
Some Common Fears During Childbirth
It is normal to be a bit scared about how your pregnancy and delivery would go. Some common fears during childbirth are:
1. The Fear Of Pooping During Birth
I used to hear how women poop during delivery and always felt disgusted and hoped I wouldn’t do the same. It was quite a burden in my mind, though.
When I gave birth, I pooped. It was against my control. If you are scared of pooping come of it, you can’t hold yourself. Do not refuse to push because you do not want to poop.
The Midwives will encourage you to do so, and it is part of their job so that no one would criticize you for it.
2. Fear Of Episiotomy During Birth
The perineum (the area between the anus and vagina) is usually slightly cut to give room for the baby’s passage, and after birth, it is stitched up.
If you feel sacred of episiotomy or episiotomy stitches, you don’t have to. When dealing with labor pains, you won’t even know when you were cut. Local anesthesia is given to numb the pain while stitching, so you do not feel it much.
If you dread episiotomy, write in your birth plan that there should be no episiotomy, and the doctors and Midwives would go with your choice. Also, it is no longer a routine procedure by medics, so you will not have an episiotomy if it is not necessary.
3. Fear Of Vagina Tear
As the baby passes through the birth canal, it may lead to a tear in the perineum, though it isn’t always prominent. Most tears are first-degree tears.
To avoid tears, you can massage the perineum a few weeks before delivery to stretch the perineum muscles and reduce the chances of tear.
4. The Fear Of An Epidural
If you have to do an epidural, you may be scared of the needle but do not be. A local anesthetic is usually administered to numb whatever pain you would feel. Plus, you could try out other pain management options In case you are feeling nervous.
5. Fear Of Labour Pain
It is one of the leading causes of extreme fear of giving birth. The best solution is to get information about how labor goes and the different pain relief options available like hypnobirthing, water birth, an epidural, etc.
It would help if you also prepared your mind for some discomfort. Yes, labor hurts, but it is doable. I have a low pain threshold, and I didn’t use any pain relief options at birth.
Yes, it did hurt a lot, but I was able to pull through with the support of the health staff and determination. With the various pain management techniques available, labor has become easier, so you need no fear.
6. Fear Of A C-section
You may be scared if you would have to undergo a C-section probably because of some complications in your pregnancy or because everyone in your family has experienced one, but you do not have to.
If you have a C-section, your doctor will most likely inform you of a scheduled C-section. You may be awake while the procedure is done, and it will be over in less than an hour.
You also need to know that C-section isn’t a major operation. Talk with your doctor for more clarity and research properly but avoid reading materials or C-section death.
How Can I Calm My Nerves During Labor?
It is pretty easy to get worked up because you are scared and unsure of your labor. So, here are some tips to calm your nerves during labor:
- Practice deep breathing. It is beneficial. After breathing, count 1 to 5 and breathe again.
- Focus. Focus, not on the pain but on birthing your baby.
- Before the active stage of labor, do not expend your energy. Find ways to relax and distract your mind.
- Talk. Talk to someone; your partner, doula, or a family member around. Hold their hands and get strength.
- If permitted by the hospital staff, walk around; this helped me a lot.
- Go for a shower or soak in a whirlpool if you are up to it.
- Massage helps.
- Change positions by lying, sitting, or walking.
- Drink fluids to rehydrate.
- A cold compress on the neck or face may do the magic.
- A heating pad or hot water bottle on the lower back, limb, or perineum can help come to ease the pains.
- Listen to something inspirational at the early stage of labor.
Overcoming The Fear Of Childbirth
Finding how to get over the fear of having a baby can seem very hard, but if you are determined, you can get the fear of childbirth.
You should know that you are not going to do this alone. A team of nurses, midwives, and doctors, a therapist, your friends, and your family will be there for you.
All these are some helpful support systems you can utilize. If you are asking a question, how to get over the fear of having a baby? Below are nine tested and trusted ways to go about it.
1. Talk With Someone
Talking is therapy, and indeed it is. Sharing your fears about childbirth would give you some relief, so do not keep things to yourself. The first person you should talk to is your partner.
If you are already pregnant, or you both are thinking of having a baby, your partner knows how you feel because he plays a significant role as the father of the soon-to-be father of the baby.
Share your heart with him, tell him how you think about pregnancy and how you can’t seem to be able to get over the fear of dying during childbirth or the fear of having a baby.
If he is an understanding man, he will do his best to allay your concerns and work with you to find ways on how to get over the fear of having a baby.
As women, we sometimes think we are supposed to be strong. So, showing any fear or weakness relating to pregnancy, childbirth and motherhood is a sign of failure. After all, motherhood is something to be proud of. Indeed it is, but that does not mean that there are no challenges.
What makes you a strong mother is when you do not hide your challenges but do everything to fight and strive to overcome them. So, do not feel ashamed in letting your partner know that you feel scared of the whole process.
You may reason that he is a man, “how would he understand anything I say”? Well, he is also the father or soon-to-be father. He should be understanding. The following important person you want to talk to is your doctor, preferably a professional OBGYN.
Since the doctor is a specialist and has the facts relating to pregnancy and childbirth, he is in the best position to tell you if you will have a smooth pregnancy or one with complications. Even if there are complications, he will give you the best ways to manage them.
Your doctor would also explain the whole process of labor and pregnancy. I loved visiting with my doctor when I was pregnant, was that usually, after a doctor’s visit, I always feel better because he explains things and addresses my complaints.
You could also share your feelings with someone trusted. It could be a friend, your mom or any family member, a counselor or, anyone you feel mature enough to understand.
It will be a bonus if that trusted person is a woman who has experienced childbirth or had children herself.
She will know where you are coming from and put you at ease. I had some fears when I was pregnant; now I see that they were unimportant. Sometimes I even laugh over them now. Finding someone to talk to would make a huge difference when finding ways to get over the fear of having a baby.
2. Identify The Source Of Anxiety
Why are you scared of having a child? Have you been able to identify it? The chances are that certain things trigger the fear of childbirth. It could be an outplay of hormones, genetics, past experiences like miscarriages, abortion, or a previous delivery that was tough.
The traumatic stories you have heard about labor and women dying during childbirth, conditions like hypertension, depression, anxiety, or psychiatric cases. Low self-esteem, poor social situations like no funds. The young age of the mother, poor medical services at your location, etc.
All these influence how women respond to pregnancy and childbirth. So, sit down and evaluate what you think is the root cause of your fear. If you think the whole thought about pregnancy is troubling, you need to do this.
Talk with yourself or write it down as you identify areas where you feel fear is holding you down. For me, it was morning sickness and labor. In the first three months, my morning sickness was a bit extreme. Vomiting almost three times a day, sometimes more, and I lacked appetite.
As this continued, I feared that my baby wouldn’t get sufficient nutrients and grow and develop well. Thankfully, I tried some great tips. I have written these tips on the post on how to deal with morning sickness. After the first three months, things went smoothly.
When I got to my last trimester, I became scared again, thinking the labor process would go. I have always dreaded labor. I was petrified with the stories I had heard and my first-hand experience during my sister’s delivery.
I read a lot about the four stages of labor (you can check it out here ) and watched many YouTube videos, and I tried to be positive. Today I smile because most of my fears were countless as I could deliver safely without any complications, so whatever you.
When you have identified, you will find ways around to address these fears. If you can’t do it yourself, find someone to help you out, like a friend or a doctor, or a therapist.
3. Attend Prenatal Classes
Another great way on how to get over the fear of having a baby is to attend prenatal classes. Heard of the verse that says one will chase a thousand and two will chase ten thousand? It plays out here a lot. There’s so much you can do on your own as a scared pregnant woman or soon-to-be pregnant woman.
Still, with a team of midwives, doctors, and other pregnant women like you, it will surely ease off some burden off your shoulder and boost your positivity so you can scale through pregnancy quickly. Many pregnant women out there face the same issue of pregnancy phobia.
When you attend birth classes, firstly, they make the whole process of pregnancy fun. With the dancing, lectures, drama, and fun projects, you will mostly forget your pregnancy fear and be carried away with the excitement. The lessons are so enlightening and a great relief.
In a birth class, you will learn about the different stages of labor, what you need to know about delivery and recovery, pain management techniques, coping after childbirth, breastfeeding, etc. Yes, you spend time with your doctor and learn all these, but it is pretty formal.
At birth classes, you are allowed to be free. You can ask those questions that you may feel people will not understand, and they will. Other pregnant women also ask these seemly “silly questions” too, so no one will see yours as awkward.
Another thing I like about birth classes because it is like a team of fellow cohorts surrounds you, and it does have an impact on your mood and feelings. What is most awesome is that women share their fears, struggles, and experiences.
When you hear of all these experiences, even when you are scared, it motivates you to become positive. A birth class may be the correct answer to how to get over the fear of having a baby.
4. Talk To A Therapist
Usually, most of the feelings of fear in pregnancy are short-lived, and, after you talk with your friends, doctor, or do some research, the fear is minimized or completely gone. But if yours is a case of tokophobia, it is highly recommended that you see a therapist.
Some women experience extreme fear of pregnancy and childbirth, such as having children again or getting pregnant at all.
The condition is called tokophobia. It happens for several reasons: past experiences, maybe due to a tough pregnancy that led to the loss of a baby or stillbirth.
A poor financial state, an uncooperative partner, tragic stories of women who have lost their babies during pregnancy or died during pregnancy, etc.
If you are pregnant already and dread each day of your pregnancy, or you do not ever wish to have a child because of fear of pregnancy, you should see a therapist.
It is nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to hide. Please make plans to see a therapist because they fear it could affect other areas of your life, like your relationship with your partner, kids, and other mothers.
5. Consider Having A Midwife During Pregnancy And A Doula During Labor
As a way to minimize the fear of pregnancy, you may get a professional midwife during pregnancy and a doula during labor that will guide you through the whole process of pregnancy And delivery.
Get a home service midwife, nurse, or doctor who could always come around to check you and the baby, ask about your general health, the food you eat, the drugs you take, and your routine during pregnancy. They will be there to allay your fears and give you strategies to cope when you feel scared.
Depending on your arrangement, the person can be available almost every hour of the day and also do an in-home person visit. It will be a great relief. Think of this as someone is holding your hand and guiding you through the pregnancy journey.
Yes, there are doctors, birth classes, etc. But this is like the one-on-one aid that would always be available for you. During delivery, you can also hire a doula that will be by your side and guide you throughout the labor process, attending to your unique needs.
Because the truth is a whole process of pregnancy and delivery is intense and having someone experienced who understands and is there to guide you makes a huge difference.
6. Choose Positivity
While the doctors and other medics, friends, and family will be tremendous, you will have to support yourself. Sometimes, it is hard to be vital for oneself, but you have to do it, my dear. It is something you have to push from within, from the inside out.
The world itself is bombarded with stories of people dying with debilitating diseases, sufferings, hunger all around. Hearing and seeing all these can affect us every day, but we see people who choose to smile despite all.
You may have had a bad past of abuse or complicated pregnancy, or have seen pregnant mothers or their babies dying, or you have a poor psychological situation.
Even have a normal fear of the unknown about your pregnancy, but what can you do about it? You have to try to be positive no matter what.
It isn’t about faking things, no. If you desire to have a child as a woman or want to have more children, you have to choose to be positive and believe that you can do it. Positivity has an overall impact on everything we do. Yes, you may not feel positive immediately, but you have to try
One day, I felt so down during my first trimester. I didn’t want to go out, but I didn’t want to stay indoors either. My friend had to force me out, and when I came back, I felt so much better.
If you think that being alone makes you feel negative, try to go out and busy yourself with positive-minded individuals and let their positivity rub off on you.
Do something that will busy you and make you feel fulfilled, like committing to a good cause or registering as a volunteer so you can be part of something fulfilling.
There is this kind of fulfillment that comes with doing something for people. It comes with inner joy and satisfaction that just can’t be bought.
Another essential thing you can do when you do not know how to get over the fear of having a baby is to start saying positive affirmations.
I can’t begin to explain again and again the importance of words. Words do wonders to your spirit.
It builds a solid positive mental attitude and makes you believe in yourself.
Lastly, spend time doing what you love. Whatever it is, baking, reading, sports, writing, as long as it gives you joy and it is a good cause, go for it.
When you live your life each day doing something you are passionate about, the drive rubs off on other areas of your life, and trust me, and you have better chances of overcoming the fear of giving birth.
7. Try Out Different Relaxation Techniques
To calm your nerves, you need ways on how to get over the fear of having a baby.
You can try out various relaxation techniques like massaging. Massaging has a great way of loosening a stiff body, and it has a significant impact on the mind.
Next is meditation. It does a lot to help ease the fear. At first, it may seem not very easy to start, but you can still your mind and come to a calm place with constant practice.
It also teaches patient and focuses. While you meditate, you can listen to great inspirational podcasts to drift the mind from disorganized to settled.
An exercise is a form of relaxation too. Just be sure you don’t do extreme workouts. Other relaxation techniques to try out include deep breathing and acupuncture.
8. Avoid The Negative Stories
Are you finding how to get over the fear of having a baby? Then, try as much as possible to avoid anything that will trigger negative emotions and anxiety.
You do this by not watching videos on fetal and maternal death but painful and difficult labor. If you are scared of labor, avoid an environment like the graveyard or morgue.
Avoid scary movies, shows, books, etc. If your job predisposes you to the news of death, maybe like in a hospital morgue, you may have to change wards. Avoid negative people and anyone that will taunt you because of the fear.
9. Learn About The Different Pain Relief Options Available At The Delivery
It is a vital tip on how to get over the fear of having a baby. Other pain relief techniques are available for childbirth, so you may want to research the different types available to know which one will be suitable for you.
Most times, what women fear most in pregnancy is labor; how will they manage the pain and push. My main fear as a first-time mom was how it would be possible to push the baby from the tiny birth canal.
But through information, asking questions, and research, you will move from the unknown stage to the known because, to some extent, we get scared because of ignorance.
You could learn about pain relief options during labor from your doctor or midwife or during birth. Birth aids and pain relief options Include an epidural, a birthing ball, whirlpool, hypnobirthing, medications.
All these will help make labor easier. Plan on the one you could try out during labor. Discuss with your doctor, so you both work something out.
Are you a pregnant or soon-to-be mom? These are sure proof tips on how to get over the fear of having a baby will help allay any pregnancy fears you have.
Save this for later mama! Wishing you a safe delivery
